How Volcanoes Came to Be

A very long time ago, in a land called Indonesia, there was a mountain. This mountain had the gift of speech. Below the mountain there was a village. It was the major lizard farming port, where they exported lizards for consumption. Who doesn't like some nice fried chamaeleon? In the village, there lived a boy named Bartholomew Van Dinkleberry.

The village got a lot of tourists from Australia. They liked the fried lizard. A lot. They went crazy for the lizards taste when Indonesia held there triannual Lizard Fest but that’s another story.

Bartholomew Van Dinkleberry had the gift of foresight. But nobody but his family and friends believed him. He got this gift when he was in kindergarten. He was in class playing with blocks when he saw an earthquake coming and he hid underneath the table. Immediately, the ground started shaking and the teacher yelled GET UNDER THE TABLE! All the kids ran and dove underneath the table. The teacher managed to get her front half under, but her legs were pinned underneath falling rock. The earthquake ended but the teacher remained pinned. All 24 kids got the ropes they played with and wrapped it around the rock they all pulled and the rock came off the teachers legs. The teacher was back to normal after 3 months.

This story, however, is really about a talking mountain and the role Bartholomew Van Dinkleberry’s plays in his story. How the mountain was able to talk I don't know. What I do know is the talking mountain was snotty because he thought he was better than everyone else. He started talking about the almighty God AAOOGGHHAA. He said,“AAOOGGHHAA is really, really, REALLY stupid and why the heck is he in charge. I should be in charge. I would be a way better god than him.” AAOOG. . .( you know what, I’m just going to call him God). God got angry. He got so angry in fact that he decided to teach the mountain a lesson.

He took the godly laser gun and shot it at the mountain. It made a hole straight through the top of the mountain. The mountain’s core became molten. Bartholomew Van Dinkleberry knew something bad would happen, so he gathered his friends and family and they fled from the village. The mountain got very angry, so angry that he started to shake. He shook so hard that he EXPLODED!!! Fire, lava, and ash shot out of the hole in his top! Bartho. . . (I'm just gonna call him Bart). Bart’s village was destroyed. Bart, Bart’s family and Bart’s friends went to the Great City Of Foofa. The Great City Of Foofa was surrounded by rainforest. (Bart was actually the great loggerfall champion. Loggerfall was a game where you built your own raft out of only plant-based materials like logs and vines and then you went down the river and flew off a waterfall; whoever stayed on the raft, and if the raft stayed in one piece, won.)

God saw the mountain's destruction, and he decided to put the mountain in a deep sleep, but his spell wouldn't last forever. Sometime in the future the mountain will explode again his angry molten core will burst through his head and destroy the land for miles, but we don't know when.

And that my friends is how volcanoes are formed.

The End

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