Derek's+Myth

by Derek Copeland
 In the beginning, a long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away (just kidding about the galaxy far far away) there was God. He was a kind and benevolent creature, but some times he got confused about what he was doing, or he lost track of things. So anyway, he made the world (but he didn’t tell me why, or maybe he forgot.)

 God then wanted the world to have some things on it, so he made the plants. He then forgot what he was doing at the end and made the Corpse Flower, the most disgusting and hideous plant in the world. So then all the plants grew and grew till the whole world was covered in them.

 So God thought that this was not good. He wanted there to be more of a balance in the world, so he made the animals to keep them under control. First he made the Land Animals. When he was done, he had some parts left over; a pigs body, a long nose, some hooves, funny looking ears. He didn’t know what to do with them. He was fiddling around with them, and he made the Aardvark. Then he made the air animals. He made the Eagle, and the Bat, and the Falcons, and much more. But at the end, he had some parts left over. Then he realized it was 12 o’ clock at night, and he needed to sleep. But during the middle of the night, he started to sleepwalk. So without  realizing it, he made the Buzzard.

 The next morning, he realized that he was running behind on his work, so he hurriedly made the Flounder, and the Thresher Shark. But he didn’t get enough sleep the night before. So towards the end, he accidentally put a hammer into one of the animals heads, making the Hammer Head Shark.

 After all this, he STILL had some parts left over. He had some feet, some waterproof fur, some tails which were originally intended for the dog but were then run over by a truck (don't ask me why there was a truck back then, I have no clue). So he decided to sleep on the problem. In the morning, he came up with an idea: he would combine all of the spare parts and see what he got. He ended up with the Platypus.

So God thought that everything was good, and went on to other important mat t ers (he forgot what they were, so he couldn’t tell me).  Awhile later, the Platypus started to explore his new world. But when he had walked for about five minutes, he came upon a laughing Horse. The Platypus said, “Hello, Horse. What is so funny?”  The Horse responded with, “YOU! Ha-Ha-Ha” The Platypus shrugged this off and kept on walking. Seven minutes later, he came upon a laughing Fish.

 The Platypus said, “Hello, Fish. What is so funny?”

 The Fish responded, “YOU! Ha-Ha-Ha!” At this, the Platypus became very sad and went back into his burrow to wallow in self pity. He became very bitter and didn’t want to go out anymore.

 God took notice and said, “OH PLATYPUS, WHAT IS WRONG?” The Platypus told God how all the other animals were teasing and laughing at him.

The Platypus told God how all the other animals were teasing and laughing at him. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> God said, “I AM GREATLY SORRY FOR YOUR TROUBLES. I WILL GIVE YOU A POISONOUS SPUR. I GIVE YOU MY PERMISSION TO USE IT TO STICK ANY ANIMAL WHICH TEASES OR LAUGHS AT YOU”

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> At this, the Platypus was greatly relieved and went out to enjoy the nice summer day. A short while later, Hyena ran in front of him and started rolling on the ground in hysterics. The Platypus calmly walked up to to Hyena, planted his back foot on him, and stuck him with the spike. Hyena yelled out in pain and shock and started crying. The platypus just walked on saying, “And don’t let it happen again.” <span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> After two hours of intense pain, Hyena slowly got up and told his friends what happened. They all left the Platypus alone after that. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> <span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> That is why the Platypus has a duck’s bill, an otter’s body, a beaver’s tail, and a poisonous spike on his back feet. One last parting piece of advice: if you meet a Platypus, don’t laugh at it. Oh, and for all you people out there who sometimes forget what you're doing, you too could be the next god if the first one dies (which is impossible, so forget it!).

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